Does the trauma of a past experience still affect you?
- Do you believe you should ‘just get over it’ … but can’t quite get yourself there?
- Are you worried about pent-up emotions tipping you off balance?
- Do you find yourself tearful for no reason or in awkward situations?
- Are you feeling like you ought to say what’s going on … when you hardly know … and the last thing you want is to talk about it?
- Have negative thoughts affected your health or sabotaged your hopes?
No one gets through life untouched by trauma
The word trauma describes events which shock us and cause distress. Trauma can involve people or circumstances, in instances of abuse or conflict.
Or trauma can come from events far outside our influence, like natural disasters and serious accidents.
And … hard to see from outside … neglect and bullying in families and institutions where interactions are toxic can also cause trauma symptoms. For example, if your parent is an addict or your teacher is prone to displays of anger, it creates an atmosphere of fear where healthy emotional growth is affected.
Many of us have had some character-forming’ experience where the hidden hurt – emotional distress, personal loss, physical harm, or the sting of shame – remained long after the original event. With trauma, there is frequently … though not always … a mental, emotional and physiological response with lasting effects. If you were affected – by a single incident or by a situation of ongoing anguish – what makes it ‘trauma’ is the impact it has on you.
Some people find that putting trauma behind them – keeping it private and getting on with life – is the best solution. Others need to find a way of releasing trauma from mind and body. If you are struggling to cope with trauma symptoms, it may be encouraging to know that with the support of a compassionate, accepting therapist you can take steps to reclaim your life.
Working with body and mind together can calm anxiety
Therapy doesn’t change the past. However, powerful therapeutic practices can help put matters to rest enabling you to find peace.
Intially, working with traumatic distress I go slowly and respectfully because a ‘quick fix’ is often not appropriate. Using Emotional Freedom Techniques and focused breathing practices, the aim is to give you breathing space.
Maybe you just need someone to listen to you, without giving advice. However you approach this work, and mindful of the sensitive nature of the work, it is for you to set the pace of the work.
Are you wondering … “If I’ve coped this long, why dig things up”?
You pass as ‘normal’ … almost no one guesses about your brush with trauma … unless you tell them. If you’re wondering if it makes sense to start digging around in the past now, perhaps some of these questions have crossed your mind:
If I told my friends or family I was considering therapy they’d say …
“Build a bridge and get over it.”
My question: Is that a possibility for you now?
At a guess, you might tell me that “Build a bridge” is a family motto. Then I might hear you say that you can’t talk to your family or friends. Actually, that’s appropriate.
Often with the most personal matters, it’s best to take it ‘up or out’. … that is, to explore thoughts and feelings in a safe, private space. This is in case – in a few weeks or months – you wish you hadn’t spilled out all your fears to your nearest and dearest. Perhaps there are people who could do with hearing about how you feel … but that can happen if, and when you feel ready, and in the way that feels right for you.
Ultimately, you will build a bridge and get over it. But you may want to put the past to rest first. Or throw it out … or tear it up … whatever feels like the right thing to do. Then you can build a stronger bridge.
I feel like I’m unfinished … that maybe parts of me got lost on the way or somehow I never grew up. Does that sound weird?
If you’ve spent time and energy on self-protection over a period of time, there may be aspects of yourself and your growth as a person that got sidelined. Part of the work of reclaiming your life is recognising that you may need to build some muscles you didn’t know you had – in areas like confidence, trust, flexibility, independence, self-responsibility. You may also need to learn the art of making positive choices.
Isn’t life too short to keep the negative stuff constantly in the frame?
Well, the ‘stuff’ is there anyway. The more you ignore it, the louder or more painfully it will be for you. You can live with it until it becomes too unconfortable. Maybe even then, you can live with it bubbling underground. However, settling and releasing the distress of trauma will support you in living more creatively and expansively.
I’m afraid to look at this. Do I have to go through it all again?
I hear you, and the answer is “No”. You can go around or over … you don’t need to go through the pain again. You don’t have to reactivate the trauma. This work can be challenging and that’s why I work at your pace with a light touch.
You have all the resources you need …
It’s your right to live your life fully, and you have the resources to do that … inside you. My job is supporting you to recognise your talents, skills and gifts so you can get on with creative living.
Many of my clients working with trauma have found self acceptance and new confidence.
They gain understanding of the ‘bigger picture’ for them, in awareness that their experience was unfair or wrong. They also learn to temper a desire to ‘put things right in the world’, through learning to take responsibility for their own life with appropriate boundaries. This means they are less likely to act out their hurt, by either wishing for revenge or over-caring for others. They come to accept that this a life’s work, and it’s their life work.
If you’re feeling stuck … email me to arrange a free initial session and find out if I’m the right person for you to work with.
As a high sensitive and an intuitive counselor, I know that trauma makes impact which can even be communicated across generations.
And, we all have a well of resilience. After experiencing personal or generational trauma, it is possible to put the past to rest.
The evidence that you are resilient is that you’ve survived and arrived where you are in your life.
But if your past still trips you up and you’re triggered into a time or place that’s long gone … you may be at the point where you want that pattern to be over. If that point is now and if feels like it could help to talk, email me to arrange a a free 30-minute telephone session!
Perhaps things I’ve said here resonate with you … but I understand it’s a risk trying to find someone you can trust. If you want to talk to me about how I work, email me!
I offer online sessions wherever you are.
If you feel ready to find out about working with me, you can arrange a free, no obligation session to discover out how you can move beyond shame and self doubt and find belief in your own worth.