Do people ask: “Why are you so highly sensitive”?
Do they push further – right into your ‘highly sensitive’ space ?
“Why are you so touchy?” … “What makes you so angsty?” … “Why does it take you so long to bounce back?” … “Can’t you just get a grip and get over it?”
The list of “Why are you so …” charges fired at highly sensitive people may leave you reeling. If you didn’t think you were weird to start with, by the end of the questions you may well feel socially inept.
Do you worry about ‘fitting in’?:
- Do you feel overwhelmed in the company of others?
- Has it ever felt unsafe to show how smart you are?
- Is it difficult to share your ideas and be heard?
- Do you find that you give in to strong opinions or try to keep clear of bullying?
- Does it feel like you’re stuck in a box you want to get out of, but don’t know how?
- Is it painful seeing others move forward, as you inch cautiously forward?
If any of these questions sound familiar – questions people ask you or questions you ask yourself – you may be feeling frustrated about life in general or at least where you are right now.
Frustration may come and go – or if it’s chronic it can take you down the road towards depression. This is hardly surprising, because the way high sensitives think – factoring in internal and external pressures – often your fine-tuned thinking is used for self attack.
Up to 20% of people are gifted or highly sensitive.
If you are a highly sensitive person, an worthy goal is to consider your sensitivity as a gift rather than a liability.
Admittedly, the world is increasingly complex. We will all feel overwhelmed at some point. However, if you are sensitive or gifted, it’s likely that sensory overwhelm is the norm for you. The question is, can you create a space in which you can function comfortably – while the world spins around you?
People who are highly sensitive – and in chicken and egg style, often gifted – can have trouble ticking the boxes of social norms. To start, you may know what it’s like to be on the receiving end of pressure to adopt activities and ways of interacting that don’t come naturally. And. a self preservation instinct may lead you to cover up talents and resources that will focus attention on your difference – in being exceptional.
Do you feel often frustrated or flustered?
As a highly sensitive and gifted person, your wide-spectrum awareness may sometimes result in irritability, exasperation or despondency. If so, a good starting point for exploring what you want is to consider whether at some point in your life, you were sidetracked from what inspires you.
It is the fortunate child whose interests and proclicities are noticed by parents, carers or teachers. If that wasn’t the case for you, then now is the time to reconnect with things that delight and motivate you. You may have a good idea of what it was that you turned away from. For example, maybe your dream was to be a musician and instead you found yourself pressured to become the family’s first doctor. Or you wanted to be a fashion designer and found more support for studying law.
Even if you have no conscious idea of what you want, you can begin a voyage of discovery by following a ‘trail of breadcrumbs’ – seeking out experiences you think will be enjoyable, or at least interesting. Once you find something you like, then decide if you’d like more, and aim to make that happen. Little by little, you’ll build a reservoir of experiences which can be a powerful resource for you.
The point is, if your gifts and sensitive insights were packed and put into storage, chances are you’ll need to get reacquainted with who you are as a sensitive and gifted adult.
I’m here to assure you, that if you were a sensitive and gifted in early life, those gifts remain with you always. My personalised self-esteem coaching offers creative routes to reconnect you with those gifts.
Working together, you’ll get emotional support for releasing unhelpful core beliefs … things that feel out of kilter, missing from your life, or just plain wrong with you.
Reconnecting to what inspires and motivates you
Of course, many accomplished and successful sensitive and gifted individuals are able to develop and showcase their gifts. But sadly, it’s not uncommon for a sensitive and gifted person to feel unease about the disparity between their sense of what they are capable of … and their judgement of their achievements.
Moving towards living your life in alignment with your true nature, it is likely that some grieving is appropriate. In truth, some experiences are lost to us once we are out of the appropriate time frame. So, while we realistically give up dreams of becoming an astronaut or a ballet star, there is a still a sense of loss to acknowledge. It is important to move beyond a sense of loss to gain a sense of what can happen next, that addresses the earlier desire.
In progressive and carefully paced steps, we go through the process of interviewing your true self to discover the direction that’s right for you. Between sessions, specific creative homework assignments support your discovery. What you’ll be looking for in the workplace, in social interactions and in personal projects are things that delight and inspire you.
Creative growth and expression is important for high sensitives and gifted people and it is appropriate that you enjoy your birthright because in developing your gifts you have much to offer the world.
Does this sound appealing, but you think it’s too late for you to live an authentic and creative life?
It feels like my life is pointless … like I’m marking time.
Maybe you console yourself with a sense of melancholy or nostalgia. The Portuguese word, ‘Saudade’, means nostalgia … even for things that might never have been. It is important to learn how to navigate the mind-ways between nostalgia and those things which have meaning for you – right now.
It’s too late for me to do anything creative. How are you going to fix that?
In truth, if your gifts and talents weren’t nurtured or your creative muscles were never flexed when you were younger, you can’t know what might have been. However, you can start new inspired projects any time in your life. It is never too late. The sooner you start the more you will accomplish.
I feel exhausted, empty … how do I keep going?
Right here, right now … the work is to identify qualities that you believe you would have gained from your ‘lost love’ … to bring those qualities into your life right now.
I feel overwhelmed by success “gurus” – how can I keep up with them?
It may be that ‘high achievement’ teachings are a step too far to begin with. Much of the advice in seminars, books and self help groups is completely sensible and sound, however, the work to be done first is the work of coming back to yourself.
If you are a sensitive and gifted …
… the coaching space can be where you express yourself, free of judgement or worry about whether ‘you’re up to speed’. You can recognise qualities which may have been used as evidence of your ‘strangeness’ as your strengths – the basis of your personal power and the foundation of a new freedom for expression and action.
Because of the sensitive nature of my clients and the sensitive nature of the work, I don’t ask for testimonials. What I can tell you is that clients have expressed appreciation that difficult issues are held with a light touch.
If it hurts to think your gifts have been wasted, it’s time to reclaim them.
And if you want to ask about personal sessions to begin that work of recovery, call or email me to arrange a free, no obligation session. With no obligation, that’s the best way to discover if we are a good fit for working together.
Personal consultations in London, SE4 – 10 minutes from London Bridge – and anywhere via Skype.
Private Practice phone: 0207 060 5856
Mobile phone: 07931 755 856
Or, if you’d like to to find out more before getting in touch, download my worksheet on recovering or discovering your unique talents and resources.